I learned a big lesson, much to my surprise.

Because I thought I knew it all and 5 of my colleagues showed me the real picture.

What happened #1: If I give feedback to my junior colleagues and discuss with them what they can improve, I thought they would love it. But guess what. They find my remarks threatening, aggressive, demotivating. And you know why? They only hear that I tell them what they do is wrong. They don’t like their colleagues overhear what I tell them. They feel embarrassed. And they are disappointed that I do not mention all the stuff they do good.

Lesson 1: give feedback in person, not in public

Lesson 2: pay attention to all the good stuff, mention this, show appreciation and gratefulness

Lesson 3: before giving my opinion and judgment about all what I think went wrong: ask and listen with the intention to understand what happened and ONLY AFTER I understand everything, AND ONLY AFTER my colleague has been able to tell all that happened I will share with her my views.

What happened #2: One of our recruitment departments is in big turmoil. Some colleagues left, some were fired. Lot’s of rumors and negativity within the recruitment team. We, the top management, discussed the issue and we came to some solutions. At first we inclined to give blame to the ‘bad’ or ‘ill-performing’ colleagues. Until we had a ‘brilliant’ idea (which was not a brilliant idea but an obvious thing we should have done immediately) and we engaged the Recruitment Team Leaders and the HR Business Partner of the Recruitment Teams. And we asked them why the problems occurred and we asked them what we could do about it, how we could prevent this and where are the mistakes from our side.

Lesson 4: Our 3 colleagues told us we gave inconsistent instructions. One manager communicates another way of searching than the other. This is confusing. What a recruiter is doing well for one manager is wrong in the eyes of the other manager.

Lesson 5: Why to focus only on the mistakes. It is much more empowering to mention all that a person does very well and ask the person what it is they think they should improve. They’ll come themselves with what they do wrong and what it is they like to get better…

Lesson 6: All the solutions we figured out were also mentioned by our Team Leaders AND they had even much better suggestions than we had.

Lesson 7: We have hired Recruitment Team Leaders. Great, awesome Team Leaders. We have a great HR Business Partner. Why do we hire these colleagues and not engage them when we face these issues? If we hire smart people we should ask them what to do instead of telling them what they have to do. Because these colleagues have all the answers.

Lesson 8: What I think is good for our recruiters is not necessarily good for them. What my Teamleaders told me is not necessarily a nice message for my ego. And I had to swallow my pride and the idea that I know it all …. because I don’t know it all.

A Big Thank You:

My Dearest 3 Ladies:

Thank you very very much for your courage to tell us everything. Thank you for being with us. Thank you for your commitment, dedication. Thank you for the love you share with us, for our company and for what we do: helping as many people as we can to get a better job. Thank you for being so considerate with your team members. I learned a big lesson, much to my surprise.

Because I thought I knew it all and 5 of my colleagues showed me the real picture.

What happened #1: If I give feedback to my junior colleagues and discuss with them what they can improve, I thought they would love it. But guess what. They find my remarks threatening, aggressive, demotivating. And you know why? They only hear that I tell them what they do is wrong. They don’t like their colleagues overhear what I tell them. They feel embarrassed. And they are disappointed that I do not mention all the stuff they do good.

Lesson 1: give feedback in person, not in public

Lesson 2: pay attention to all the good stuff, mention this, show appreciation and gratefulness

Lesson 3: before giving my opinion and judgment about all what I think went wrong: ask and listen with the intention to understand what happened and ONLY AFTER I understand everything, AND ONLY AFTER my colleague has been able to tell all that happened I will share with her my views.

What happened #2: One of our recruitment departments is in big turmoil. Some colleagues left, some were fired. Lot’s of rumors and negativity within the recruitment team. We, the top management, discussed the issue and we came to some solutions. At first we inclined to give blame to the ‘bad’ or ‘ill-performing’ colleagues. Until we had a ‘brilliant’ idea (which was not a brilliant idea but an obvious thing we should have done immediately) and we engaged the Recruitment Team Leaders and the HR Business Partner of the Recruitment Teams. And we asked them why the problems occurred and we asked them what we could do about it, how we could prevent this and where are the mistakes from our side.

Lesson 4: Our 3 colleagues told us we gave inconsistent instructions. One manager communicates another way of searching than the other. This is confusing. What a recruiter is doing well for one manager is wrong in the eyes of the other manager.

Lesson 5: Why to focus only on the mistakes. It is much more empowering to mention all that a person does very well and ask the person what it is they think they should improve. They’ll come themselves with what they do wrong and what it is they like to get better…

Lesson 6: All the solutions we figured out were also mentioned by our Team Leaders AND they had even much better suggestions than we had.

Lesson 7: We have hired Recruitment Team Leaders. Great, awesome Team Leaders. We have a great HR Business Partner. Why do we hire these colleagues and not engage them when we face these issues? If we hire smart people we should ask them what to do instead of telling them what they have to do. Because these colleagues have all the answers.

Lesson 8: What I think is good for our recruiters is not necessarily good for them. What my Teamleaders told me is not necessarily a nice message for my ego. And I had to swallow my pride and the idea that I know it all …. because I don’t know it all.

A Big Thank You:

My Dearest 3 Ladies:

Thank you very very much for your courage to tell us everything. Thank you for being with us. Thank you for your commitment, dedication. Thank you for the love you share with us, for our company and for what we do: helping as many people as we can to get a better job. Thank you for being so considerate with your team members.

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